


aim for my heart, go for blood

by befourarc



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Fluff and Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, a warning in advance, also this is lapslock, i'm sorry soojin i love you i promise, literally soojin is constantly going through it, moonbyul appears once, seriously why, subtle hints of yuyeon and minmi bc why not, why do i make her suffer so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26920927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/befourarc/pseuds/befourarc
Summary: self discovery is… a process. soojin finds that out the hard way.or; the trials and tribulations of falling in love with your best friend.
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 45
Kudos: 216





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while only listening to maybe. i don’t know what was in the water the day they recorded it, but fuck if it isn’t the best song that idle have ever released (you can fight me if you disagree).
> 
> keep in mind that i wrote this when i didn’t know that they weren’t all together in a dorm and instead split into three. i found out later, but by then i was too lazy to change it so… you’ll have to deal.
> 
> title is (funnily enough, it’s not maybe) from taylor swift - my tears ricochet

soojin wouldn’t call herself a romantic, that’s not her. in fact, that’s more miyeon’s or shuhua’s thing, one that they have mastered over the many years. soyeon is too actually, as behind her cold features lies a heart full of love, one that they had gradually come to realise existed - soojin and her were alike in that.

and yet there’s moments, fragmented, but still so clear in-between dance practices, recording sessions and hurried, messy schedules (that she never regrets; how could she, after all this is what she dreamed of doing for so long) when soojin looks at shuhua and yearns to show just how much she means to her, the same way the other girl does to her.

it’s not a feeling that comes often, but that doesn’t mean it’s not _there,_ that it doesn’t cling to her insides like glue from when she was a kid in art class. and even then she had more control over where and how she used it, but with shuhua it’s a complete mess, because her insides twist and turn with seemingly no end or relief in sight.

admittedly, she’s not the best at showing things either. hot and cold, or more aptly - tsundere, is what everyone, including the staff, call her. is it true? soojin would be hard-pressed to deny it.

she’s just naturally like that, not because of her upbringing - her family love her very much and she loves them. maybe it’s more that soojin likes being in control of what she shows to the world and does it in tiny little pieces, a puzzle to be completed if you know where to look.

“jin-ah.”

her thoughts are disturbed by a sweating shuhua, who is grinning at her widely and panting, finally done with her practice. it had lasted longer than usual since shuhua wanted to practice a bit more and soojin decided to stay with her, knowing better than anyone how shuhua always appreciated the company.

soojin motions shuhua over and the girl doesn’t fail to do as she’s told, except that she takes it a step further and settles onto soojin’s lap.

“ugh, get off.” soojin pushes her, but shuhua doesn’t budge, only pouting at her and wrapping her arms further around soojin’s waist. she rolls her eyes, but a part of her is pleased and she lets the girl stay.

“thanks for waiting.” it’s quiet and soojin frowns, lifting shuhua’s chin up with a finger, trying to search her eyes for an answer.

“are you okay?”

“it’s hard not to be when you’re here.” shuhua says, somewhat dodging the question which makes soojin sigh, slightly annoyed that she’s hiding things, but lets it go. she’ll say something when she wants to, always has.

“you really shouldn’t say things like that, people might get the wrong idea.”

shuhua shrugs and leans into her, eyes closed, “let them.”

she never really knew how to react to things like that, especially when shuhua always says it so easily, like it doesn’t mean anything and soojin purses her lips, trying to ignore how her neck prickles at the thought.

instead she observes the girl on her lap - it’s hard not to stare at shuhua and in moments like these, soojin is always taken aback by just how pretty her friend is. so much so, that even after a gruelling dance practice, the sweat only seems to add to her charm.

“here.” soojin pushes a bottle of water to shuhua’s side and dabs the girl’s sweat with a towel as she drinks, taking care to afterwards fix the messy hair from dancing. for how carefree shuhua always is, she gives off the impression of not really caring about things and yet here she is at 1am, still practicing so she can do the choreography properly.

shuhua lets out a sound of appreciation after drinking half the bottle, “as always your presence never fails to refresh me.”

soojin rolls her eyes, unsurprised at the comment, “ah stop that.” but takes the bottle from her and puts it back in her bag. she wants to say something about how she admires shuhua’s work ethic and that she shouldn’t feel bad if she falls behind sometimes. after all it’s only natural and can happen to any of them, but those thoughts turn to dust when soojin thinks of letting them out and instead she stays silent.

“don’t complain, you know you love it.”

somehow their position shifts into shuhua hugging her, nuzzled to her chest and soojin with her head on shuhua’s shoulder. it’s automatic, an action borne from habit that soojin has grown to love, even though she’d never admit it.

the room is quiet and it’s just the two of them, the booming noise of music no longer in the background. it’s comfortable. it never has been awkward with them really, but there’s also something lingering in the air this time that soojin can’t place her finger on.

“what are you thinking about so loud?” there’s a rumble that reverberates throughout her chest as shuhua speaks and it takes everything in soojin not to react.

soojin shrugs, “just today.” and it’s an answer, but not really, not in the ways that matter. there’s a fear in her that maybe, she had just accidentally created a void that surrounded them and she opens her mouth to say something, but shuhua only nods and she feels her smile, lips curling.

there’s something in that, soojin thinks, how shuhua understands even without words, but it’s late, they’re both tired, and they need to go back to the dorm, so she puts it out of her mind and instead slaps shuhua’s butt which makes her jump up.

“come on let’s start heading back.” soojin says with a grin and runs to the door with a sudden burst of energy, hearing the hurried footsteps behind her.

“unnie you can’t just do that!”

they’re at a music show, getting ready to perform dumdi dumdi when it happens. 

soyeon and yuqi are both sitting next to each other when yuqi twists soyeon’s makeup chair, surprising the girl and making her yelp.

“hey stop that!” soyeon holds on for dear life to her chair, dizzy from the spinning and once yuqi stops, immediately jumps on her, trying to get revenge.

“i’m going to kill you!”

“no forgive me, forgive me i yield!”

yuqi laughs and squirms in her chair as soyeon tickles her.

on the other side minnie and miyeon sit calmly in their chairs, a big difference in atmosphere as they quietly talk to each other whilst the staff do their hair for the performance. 

shuhua is in the corner, frantically looking for something, but is coming up empty and shows her panic by questioning every staff member. the only thing she gets are negative shakes of the head however and lets out her annoyance loudly in a yell that is easily covered up by yuqi’s laughter.

“unnies have you seen my charger?” she ends up pestering minnie and miyeon who think, but also shake their heads.

“no clue sorry, maybe you left it at home?”

shuhua groans, “no i swear i packed it, i remember seeing it.”

soojin is lost in her phone at the back of the room, but still manages to catch what was said and pipes up, “it’s in my bag, i told you i’d pack it for you when you were eating.”

shuhua gasps and runs up to her with a hug, “jinjin you’re the best! i love you.”

soojin rolls her eyes and purses her lips, but returns the hug with a pat on the back, “yeah yeah, you should’ve asked me immediately instead of panicking.”

“i didn’t think about it.” shuhua giggles and tries to kiss her, but soojin only leans out of the way with a glare, “please, kiss.” the english is said cutely and with a pout it hits like a well-aimed missile, however soojin remains steadfast and shakes her head, used to her antics.

groaning, shuhua spreads out across soojin’s lap and pokes at her cheeks, “meanie.” before rummaging through soojin’s bag and putting her phone on charge. it’s a dramatic sight as she does all this while trying not to move too much so as not to fall off, but she succeeds and starts playing with her phone, settling in comfortably.

she looks up and catches minnie staring at them with a grin, having finished talking with miyeon and soojin rolls her eyes again. someday she will go cross-eyed from doing that too much, but there really is no better reaction she thinks.

“unnie how do you manage to look so beautiful even from this angle?” shuhua asks and soojin glances down to see her staring, a soft look in her eyes and soojin blushes at the compliment.

“stop being so greasy.” she mutters, ignoring the way her stomach swoops and how shuhua looks at her.

“i’m not, i’m just stating the truth. ” shuhua says and frowns, “only look at me jin-ah okay, just like how i only look at you.”

“what are you talking about.” soojin tsks and goes back to watching the youtube video playing on screen, missing how shuhua sighs forlorn and does the same, taking some time to themselves before they have to be on stage.

the weight on her lap is comfortable and soojin plays with shuhua’s hair as she watches a video, ignorant of how all the girls except them share a look amongst each other.

later that night she’s watching TV with minnie, since a drama that soojin had gotten invested in (against her will mind you, shuhua watches way too many of these that it’s impossible not to eventually join in) is playing. there’s a scene of the main lead covering his love interest with a coat to shield against the rain. typical.

soojin snorts, breaking the silence “god this is so cliche.”

“says the one who has done similar things.” minnie says with a laugh.

“huh…” soojin replies, genuinely confused, “i don’t remember ever doing anything like that before.”

there’s a few moments that pass and soojin thinks she’s not going to get a reply when, “do you really not see it?” minnie asks, staring at her completely dumbfounded.

“see what?” soojin furrows her eyebrows, confused at the sudden question. she’s sure she hasn’t missed anything on screen, at least not that she noticed.

“the fact that you do these same cliche things for shuhua and nobody else.” minnie states simply. maybe too simply for such a thing that turns soojin’s world completely upside down.

“what?” soojin laughs loudly, finding that hilarious and definitely false, she’d have noticed if that was the case, “no i don’t.” she says defensively, not even sure of why she’s reacting this way, especially since it’s not like minnie is saying something awful.

minnie raises an eyebrow, pursing her lips, before, “yes. yes you do.”

and minnie has always been an insightful person, so there must be some tidbit of truth to the conversation, but soojin rebels against it and laughs again, trying to calm down the queasy feeling inside of her, “i have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

minnie only looks at her, pity in her eyes and shakes her head as if wanting to say something, before patting soojin’s hand, “never mind.” 

“wait wait, no we’re not done here.” soojin says hurriedly, wanting to get to the bottom of this, but the girls suddenly burst into the room with takeaway and the conversation is long forgotten in the midst of food that has everyone salivating.

the conversation doesn’t get brought up again, although that’s kind of soojin’s fault as for some reason, she really didn’t want to find out what minnie had meant. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t replay in her head constantly as she tries to figure it out herself.

it doesn’t take her long to understand and it goes like this:

they’re at a radio station getting ready to go in, when shuhua picks at her lips before running her tongue over them and groans, “ugh my lips are so chapped it’s annoying.”

soojin doesn’t even think as she reaches into her bag, pulls out a lip balm and gives it to shuhua who takes it gleefully with an air kiss and a squeal.

she only clocks it later that she had already been prepared for something like that for quite a while now and had done it before, but just never realised. it leaves a weird sensation in her stomach, but she shrugs it off. friends take care of other friends, that’s all it is.

another time they’re home alone and cooking food. well, more like soojin is. shuhua is doing what shuhua does and is distracting her with dancing, trying to get her to move around as well, but soojin ignores the youngest and continues to stir the pot.

“come on jin-ah, let’s have some fun!” shuhua yells and pokes her side. no response. another poke. poke. poke. pokepokepoke.

“stop.” after the sixth or so poke, soojin finally speaks up and pushes shuhua out of the way with her hips.

there’s no giving up in shuhua’s dictionary though and instead she wraps her arms around soojin, squeezing every few seconds, “not until you join me to dance a little.”

“gosh what’s your obsession with dancing whenever i’m cooking.” soojin groans, before adding a pinch more salt for shuhua into the soup.

she feels shuhua shrug, “i like making you smile.” it’s said softly and soojin huffs in laughter at the answer, somehow not expecting it. she’d known shuhua for years and yet she still managed to say things that surprised her.

“you’re really one of a kind huh?”

“of course!” shuhua nods and puts her head on soojin’s shoulder, “i’m like this only with you though.” 

soojin feels her cheeks heat up, not really knowing how to react and stays quiet. out of the corner of her eye she sees shuhua grin and before she can dodge, there’s a peck courtesy of shuhua on her cheek.

“hey!” soojin yells, immediately wiping at it so that the lingering feeling of shuhua’s lips go away. before soojin can hit her, shuhua skips away giggling and she barely withholds a smile at the sight. if there was one thing that shuhua was a master at - it was making soojin feel at peace.

it doesn’t take long for shuhua to come back and back-hug her again, squeezing her every so often, enough that soojin can’t concentrate fully. soojin can’t even stop the smile from gracing her lips this time and instead sighs, “you’re not going to stop squeezing until i dance are you?”

“nope!”

she breathes in deeply, already knowing she’ll regret it “fine.”

“yes!” shuhua cheers, wiggling a little and it’s so _her_ that soojin can’t even be mad.

“but only one dance!”

she doesn’t end up regretting it. in fact, it’s a fond memory that she knows she’s going to look back on and even now when she thinks about it, soojin’s stomach twists and her heart starts to pound.

she thinks there’s something special in the way her hands naturally fell to shuhua’s waist and how easy it felt to let loose with her. or maybe it was in the way she couldn’t stop smiling whenever she saw how bright and happy shuhua looked, because she had succeeded in not just one dance, but several (nevermind that the soup overcooked a little, it was still the best meal she had eaten, especially after shuhua complimented it, which made soojin get embarrassed).

the first few days of promotions are always tiring as their bodies have to readjust all over again and this time is no different. they all get home with only the thought of going to sleep immediately on their minds.

soojin is so over it that by the time she’s in her room, all she wants to do is wrap herself in the covers and go to dream-land for the little time there is left before having to wake up again. she’s barely changed into pyjamas when shuhua ambles into her room.

“hey.” she grins at soojin who stares at her, dead on her feet.

“how do you still have energy.” she groans, “i feel like i got run over by a truck.”

“i noticed.” shuhua smiles and comes closer, brushing soojin’s hair out of the way and booping her nose, “i actually came here because i knew you’d be too tired to take your makeup off.”

soojin’s nose scrunches and she turns her head slightly, “you don’t have to, i’ll just take it off tomorrow.” shuhua’s face contorts into an expression of disgust and soojin giggles a little at it, “don’t be dramatic.”

shuhua tsks and sits the half-asleep soojin down on the bed before quickly grabbing some make-up wipes. she leans down, carefully and meticulously cleaning every inch of soojin’s face, who watches her warmly.

there’s a moment of hesitance when shuhua has just the red lipstick left to remove and her actions get even more delicate, slowly wiping away until she’s left with just her bare-face; no longer the dolled-up soojin.

finished, shuhua smiles at her brightly and hold’s soojin’s face in her hands, “there, as beautiful as always.” blushing, soojin wacks her arm and tries to ignore how soft shuhua’s hands feel as she links theirs together.

“do you want me to put on a mask for you as well?” shuhua asks quietly as they stare at each other and soojin shakes her head in the negative, the thought itself making her slump in exhaustion.

it feels comfortable being with shuhua like this, maybe even a little intimate and as soojin drags a giggling shuhua into bed with her, she thinks that if this is how she has to spend years of her life - she’ll always be at peace.

it clicks a few days later, after several other instances in which she did things for shuhua that she didn’t ever notice before, not until minnie pointed it out (how did soojin even miss the fact that she always had her blanket with her, because she knew shuhua constantly got cold and liked to cuddle with it. she didn’t even use it that often and yet it had become a habit to carry it around just in case shuhua needed it).

soojin’s sleeping when she feels the weight of another person in bed and the smell of peaches that slowly invades her senses. mind foggy from sleep, she only manages to mumble out a “what’s wrong?”

“couldn’t sleep.” she hears the whisper and soojin immediately wakes, noting the harried breaths and the way the words fall heavier than usual. it’s a subtle shift, but it doesn’t escape from her notice.

she opens her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust and waits until-

“were you crying?”

shuhua isn’t under the covers yet, so soojin holds them up and tugs at her until she’s snug up against her. with the added closeness, she sees the dried tear marks and tired expression. she cups shuhua’s cheeks, wiping the tears away and asks again, “what’s wrong?”

shuhua smiles slightly, as if trying to pretend that everything is okay, but thinks better of it and instead utters, “had a nightmare that’s all.”

sometimes soojin thinks that there’s nothing worse than not being able to protect someone from their dreams. in real life she can actively work against it, but she can’t save shuhua from nightmares and there is a sting in her chest at that thought. nightmares aren’t so easily solved and the times shuhua does get them, they always seem to hurt.

she’s not good with words and has always felt awkward when comforting other people, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t try, especially for shuhua.

“do you... want to talk about it?” she tries to ask and wraps an arm around shuhua, thumb caressing her back in the way she usually does.

“not really.” for as much as shuhua loved to speak, she never really said much about herself and this time was no different. she had always been talented at speaking without giving anything of substance away, something that aggravated soojin to no end.

instead of pointing that out and starting something, soojin hums, “do you want to sleep with me then?”

shuhua nods and gets herself as close to soojin as possible. it was warm already when she was alone and although soojin knows it will get even more uncomfortable after, she doesn’t say anything and lets the younger girl cling. it’s the least she can do.

she stays up as long as possible, even though her eyes are heavy and only nods off after shuhua’s breathing evens out, similar to how it was when she was sleeping deeply.

if later in the night shuhua shakes and whimpers, soojin doesn’t mention it and instead holds her tighter, pressing a kiss to her forehead as a reminder that she isn’t alone.

eventually it adds up. she’s in the middle of talking to the manager when she realises and stutters over the next few words, before quickly finishing the conversation and running away. it’s dumb. it’s so dumb. _she’s_ dumb.

she really wants to hit her head against something and scream at the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. HOW WAS IT? DID YOU LIKE IT. DID YOU HATE IT. PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR FUCKING AGES.
> 
> i have zero clue when i'm going to update next, but i do know there will be three chapters so look forward to those!
> 
> follow me on twt so you can scream at me further: ol3monade


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was reworked so many times but i'm finally at a point where i feel happy with it, or at least as happy as i can be. hope you enjoy.

soojin is cooking. she loves it, has ever since she was a child. there’s something about the process of cutting and methodically creating something from scratch that comforts her, shows that in the end the little things add up - they matter, they create something beautiful.

that’s usually how she sees it, but this time the serenity of it is gone and instead the quiet kitchen that would relax her is filled with clanging pots and pans, as soojin whirls from corner to corner.

she’s focused, that’s all. so focused that she doesn’t even notice that she has cut herself until she sees red on the chopping board and the pain hits her.

cursing, she almost throws the knife to the side, before breathing in slightly and placing it down properly. it’s like there’s a hurricane in her chest, destroying everything without a care and instead of being in the eye of it, soojin is caught up in its force, the torrent beating down on her.

no one’s home, that’s the only good thing soojin can think of right now, as she runs the water over her finger. she had sliced it up pretty good and she curses again, because this isn’t her. she doesn’t get like this and yet here she is, feeling way too much and not enough all at once and it’s driving her up the wall.

there’s three dishes already made and set on the table to cool down before being put into the fridge and she was halfway through making another one, but now she sits down instead and bandages her finger, certain that it’s going to bug her in schedules until it finally heals.

it feels like another itch, another scratch in her armour that has long since cracked and is starting to finally leave her defenseless.

soojin leans back onto the couch with a huff and puts her hands on her face, splaying them outwards and is reminded of shuhua doing it to her, which makes her immediately put them down and instead bunch her fists up.

it’s like there’s something in control of soojin’s thoughts and it’s not her, because no matter what she is doing or where she is, all she can think about is shuhua. every little thing reminds her of shuhua.

soojin wants to call someone and let it all out, just say that she doesn’t know how to do this or even where to start from. panic hits her at the thought of even saying anything however and so she doesn’t. there’s too many ways to say exactly how she fucked up, soojin knows it already - she doesn’t need somebody else to tell her that.

somewhere, along the way of training together, debuting, fending off countless teasing advances, the late night conversations, how nobody supported her the way shuhua did, every little smile and secret glance exchanged, soojin fell in love.

it had always felt natural to put shuhua first and then everyone else afterwards and maybe that’s the scariest thing about it - how she didn’t realise what was happening until it was way too late.

and so… how do you even begin a conversation about that, when soojin doesn’t even know herself how it happened?

with this wonderful revelation, soojin does what she does best and ignores it all, as if nothing had changed. not the best idea since it doesn’t actually help. instead she only notices even more just how clingy she is with shuhua, always gravitating towards her and wanting to link their arms together or just feel her presence.

the usual flirting of shuhua seems to affect her more strongly and whereas before she would sometimes go along with it, now she can only completely shut down, losing the ability to function. it draws strange glances from everyone, which makes her even more nervous.

she didn’t think it’d be easy to ignore the butterflies everytime shuhua looks at her, but she also didn’t expect it to be this hard. after a few more days of this soojin decides to switch it up and completely avoid the other. ducking behind corners whenever she sees her approaching, walking away whenever shuhua joins them and even starting a conversation with someone else as soon as she appears becomes a norm.

she doesn’t miss shuhua’s hurt expressions and can only feel a deep-seated guilt every time she acts like that, but there is just no other way for her to function properly without losing her sense of self.

it isn’t just guilt from ignoring that bubbled inside her either, but also the fact that she is in love with shuhua, someone she considers an extremely close friend, one that she has known for years. and how can she act normally around her, when every time shuhua teases her, soojin can only feel the desire to pull her close and kiss her - a thought that makes her blanch each time.

it feels like soojin is betraying the trust that shuhua has placed in her and so she persists, growing even more desperate to see the girl less and less.

however, as much as soojin does her best to not be in the same room alone with shuhua, it’s hard to completely disappear from her view since they live together and eventually she ends up getting cornered, shuhua having waited for her to step out of the bathroom (she’d find that comical, if not for the fact that this is the last thing she wants happening)

“seo soojin! you’re avoiding me.”

“oh jeez, where the hell did you come from.” soojin jumps, hand over heart from fear at the sudden appearance of shuhua.

“sorry,” but shuhua doesn’t look apologetic at all and instead just narrows her eyes, “don’t change the subject, seriously what’s going on?”

there’s not really anything that soojin can say without making this terribly awkward, so she only squirms where she stands, eyes looking everywhere but at shuhua and trying to figure out a way to get out of the conversation that she definitely does not want to have.

there isn’t a solution appearing however and the only thing soojin can do is reply.

“i’m not avoiding you, it’s just been a busy week.” soojin says and it’s not a lie. there’s a modicum of truth to it, because they honestly had been quite busy with promotions. not more so than usual however, but it still gave soojin an excuse to not be around so much and that is where the lie comes in.

instead of following similar schedules with the others, she’d been almost living in the practice rooms, coming back as late as she could to where it wasn’t concerning the girls, but still slightly out of the norm. it helped to lose herself in the music and repetitive motions, instead of constantly thinking herself into a panic.

shuhua watches her, jaw set tensely, “you’ve known me for long enough to know that i hate liars.” she says quietly, a hurt expression on her face. she’s playing with her sleeves, picking at the loose strings and soojin easily reads how nervous she had been to actually ask about this.

something that everyone, especially shuhua, knows is that soojin is stubborn. and while she doesn’t mind admitting that she’s wrong, this time being truthful is far from her mind and while she knows that this is absolutely not something she should do, it still escapes her with a huffed laugh.

“come on why would i be lying to you, honestly shuhua why are you always so dramatic.”

objectively? not the best thing to say to the girl that you’re in love with who is obviously hurt at the fact that she’s been ignored for a week, especially when that reason when said out loud would probably sound completely lame. but she’s not soyeon or minnie, she can’t write it out and instead she has to deal with the lack of filter for the shit that has just come out of her mouth.

shuhua’s mouth hangs open at those words and she blinks multiple times, completely surprised.

“jin-ah.”

“look there’s nothing going on alright? don’t read into things that aren’t there.”

shuhua scoffs, the earlier softness gone, “don’t read into things? how can i not do that when i know for a fact that it’s the truth, unless you want to suddenly tell me that you haven’t been running off when you see me heading your way. or maybe you want to say that i’m imagining things?”

soojin looks around nervously, thankful that the living room is empty, she doesn’t think she could handle it if anyone else was with them, “look can we not do this here?” she tries and shuhua looks at her with a glare.

“sure! where do you want to do it then? in front of the managers and unnies? or maybe you don’t want to do it at all?”

“shuhua that’s not what i meant.”

“no, but it is what i meant. i don’t know what’s gotten into you.” shuhua almost yells the last part and then breathes deeply, trying to calm herself down, “if i did something wrong then just tell me.” her voice cracks and soojin feels like she’s been slapped. this isn’t what she meant to do. she didn’t mean to hurt shuhua or make her think that she had done something.

“if you don’t want to see me then just say that. please.”

she looks on the verge of saying something more when her teary eyes settle and her fists unfurl. it’s like shuhua turns into someone else as she stands up straighter, before walking off without a word, like the sight of soojin is causing her distress and she wants to remove that factor.

it’s a complete 180 in five seconds and immediate regret washes over soojin. she can only listen as the insides of her mind scream ‘you idiot!’

“shuhua wait!” soojin yells after her and tries to catch up, but is only greeted with a door closed straight in her face with a bang.

there’s an unpleasant taste in soojin’s mouth, as if she had bitten into a fruit only to find it rotting from the inside. she knows what just happened, she understands, but it doesn’t hit her till later that they just had a fight. maybe their biggest one yet.

there’s no gradual change in the atmosphere between them. it had already been slightly weird with soojin avoiding the dorms and shuhua as best as she could, but the next day when shuhua and soojin were eating - everyone could tell something had gone wrong.

the girls hadn’t said anything in the beginning when it was happening, because it wasn’t the first time soojin reacted in such a way and they knew that it would sort itself out, but instead it had gotten a lot worse.

tension brewed in the air and yuqi was trying her hardest to fill up the awkwardness by rambling.

“and so like, the giant just started crushing things right? and all the buildings were falling! it was insane.” she motions with her hands, acting it out with sound effects and all.

miyeon was hard at work as well, not letting it fall to the younger girl to keep the conversation going, “wait, so why was he destroying things?”

yuqi shakes her head and gestures with her arms in confusion, “i have no idea! but then like i was running and and BOOM a gigantic shadow fell on me, crushing me beneath the giant’s foot. i literally woke up, because i was stepped on.”

“wow even your dreams are out to get you,” soyeon mutters, eating her cereal and listening with one ear to the dramatic reenactment.

“hey! shut up, my dreams are great.”

“so great that they kill you yeah.”

“i’m going to put your face into the cereal, I swear.” yuqi threatens, waving her fist at soyeon who narrows her eyes and quickly moves the bowl further away from yuqi who only chuckles evilly.

“well, at least your dream sounds fun. for some reason i dreamed that i was practicing, as if i don’t do that enough in real life already.” miyeon interjects, pouting a little at how boring her sleep was.

“how about you shuhua, dream of anything nice?” minnie speaks up, having been watching everything from the sidelines and picking apart how both shuhua and soojin were acting. this entire time shuhua had just been playing around with her food while soojin had eaten a bit and then not touched it at all.

“didn’t really sleep well.”

“aww i’m sorry baby, tonight i’ll come and sleep with you okay?” miyeon says sweetly to shuhua and pats her head, trying to cheer her up. the moment shuhua leans in, soojin stands up abruptly and clears her throat.

“i’m... going to get ready.”

“you haven’t even finished your food!” yuqi yells after her, watching as soojin walks away jerkily and frowns, “jeez what’s with her today. did she wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something.”

soyeon throws a glance at her and kicks yuqi underneath the table, trying to signal her to cut it out and yuqi yelps. realising what she had done yuqi laughs awkwardly, before quickly stuffing her mouth full of pancake so as to not say something again.

everyone subtly looks at shuhua, who is biting her lip, an expression on her face that none of them can read, before she shakes it off and actually takes a bite of food, seemingly more relaxed once soojin has left, although everyone notices the small glances she keeps shooting at soojin’s door.

later, before leaving for their schedules, miyeon walks up to minnie concerned, “what do you think that was about?”

minnie hesitates, feeling kind of guilty, because she had a hunch that what she had said back then to soojin had set something off that derailed into whatever this was.

“i… might have a clue.”

miyeon stares at her, head cocked and sighs, able to read the emotions flitting in minnie’s eyes, “what did you do?”

“nothing!” she moves to deny it immediately, but stops and groans, “fine i might have said something to soojin a while ago.”

“and what exactly was it?”

“look… i’ll tell you okay? but let me talk to soojin about it first.”

they’ve known each other long enough to understand and an unspoken agreement passes between them and minnie smiles at miyeon gratefully, before patting her cheek.

“now go, it’s not like you to worry so much - you’ll grow wrinkles.”

miyeon gasps and swats at minnie who quickly jumps out of the way with a grin and the serious mood is broken, left with only teasing nudges and the typical comfortable energy of the two.

it doesn’t stop miyeon from worrying throughout her entire schedule and when she’s finally home later that evening, she goes to check up on shuhua.

she knocks on shuhua’s door and waits for a bit, but doesn’t get a reply. the light is on though, so miyeon knows she’s inside and walks in anyway. shuhua is sitting quietly on her bed, cuddling haku and mata and while it’s a cute sight, miyeon can’t help but be concerned considering what’s happening.

closing the door behind her, she joins the girl on the bed and looks at her, the unusually withdrawn nature making her heart hurt.

“hey, how are you feeling?” she asks softly, as if any sudden movement would scare the youngest off.

shuhua shrugs, “i’m fine.”

miyeon sighs, “we both know that’s not true.” and pats her lap, “come on, let’s talk about it okay?”

“there’s nothing to talk about.”

“there definitely is considering you’re acting like this.”

“what do you want miyeon.” the lack of warmth catches miyeon off guard a little, but she doesn’t give up and inches closer, scooping shuhua up in her arms. she struggles for a bit and when miyeon doesn’t seem to be letting go, eventually stops.

“she hates me.” shuhua whispers into miyeon’s sweater and miyeon swears her heart breaks at the way shuhua’s voice catches. hugging her tighter, she strokes the younger’s back.

“baby no, that’s not true.”

“she’s been avoiding me for weeks unnie, it’s obvious that i did something wrong and now she can’t even look at me so we fought about it and now we’re not talking as well.” shuhua rambles through tears and it makes miyeon want to march right to soojin’s room and yell at her for doing this to their angel, but it’s not the time and instead she shakes her head.

“i don’t know what’s been going on between the two of you, but i promise that she doesn’t hate you.” miyeon grits her teeth, “that doesn’t mean she’s allowed to treat you this way though.”

shuhua doesn’t respond to that and instead furrows her head deeper into miyeon, as if trying to sap the love from her and miyeon allows it, hoping that what she’s doing helps even a little. they’re quiet for a while, breathing softly in tandem until shuhua seems to have calmed down and stopped hiccuping.

“can you sleep with me tonight?” shuhua mumbles, avoiding looking at miyeon who nods and brushes shuhua’s hair out of her face, wiping the tear marks with her sleeve.

“of course baby, whatever you need ok? do you want me to go and make you the tea you like?” shuhua grabs onto miyeon a little tighter at those words, but then untenses and nods after a while.

slowly leaving the hug, miyeon walks out of the room with a “i’ll be back.” and once she closes the door behind her, leans against it sighing deeply. she wants to go to soojin and find out what the hell was going on, but she told minnie she’d wait and she intends to keep that promise. it’s definitely a hard task though and knowing shuhua was hurting while she couldn’t do anything about it was killing her.

she shakes her head and makes some tea for the both of them, not forgetting to take out some cookies to snack on as well before she comes back.

they end up putting on kiki’s delivery service to watch as a distraction and halfway through the movie, shuhua turns to miyeon.

“you know i’m in love with soojin, right?”

miyeon chokes on the cookie that she’s eating, surprised at the sudden confession. shuhua quickly pats on her back to help and when miyeon no longer feels like she’s on the verge of dying, she glances over the entirety of shuhua. while miyeon had her suspicions, she definitely didn’t expect shuhua to straight up say it, although thinking about it a bit more, it shouldn’t have come as such a surprise.

“how long have you known?” miyeon asks, curious if she had managed to guess it right. in her mind it had definitely been since debut, but she’s not fully convinced that there was nothing there before it either.

shuhua shrugs and smiles rufuelly, “from the beginning. it was love at first sight.”

“okay, but are you for real though?”

“yes.” shuhua rolls her eyes, slightly annoyed, “it’s not like i’ve hidden it. though she’s never seemed to understand.”

“to be fair you’ve always been like that.” miyeon points out, “it’d be hard for her to know that you’re being serious when you flirt with her just because that’s how you usually behave around her.”

shuhua frowns and slips further underneath the covers, hiding away most of her face except her eyes, as if trying to hide away from it all, “doesn’t matter. either way she doesn’t like me back in that way.”

“you don’t know that, she does treat you differently than everyone else.”

“well yeah, but that’s just cause our relationship is different than everyone else’s.”

miyeon leans over shuhua and looks at her with an incredulous expression, “are you even hearing yourself?”

shuhua groans, “it’s not like that though.”

“right.” miyeon tries to hide a smile. it looks like the earlier sadness is gone and it’s now more replaced with indignance and frustration, which is definitely something miyeon can work with.

“are you going to do anything about it?”

shuhua hums and watches the film for a few more minutes, before responding, rubbing with one hand over her heart absentmindedly.

“i think that it’s time to try and move on actually. it had always hurt, but i thought i could get through it, because loving her felt right.” she shakes her head in sadness, “it’s all too much now though and i don’t have a choice.”

miyeon can’t even imagine it. shuhua loving soojin is like the sky being blue or water being wet. it was natural and never would miyeon have thought that there’d be a day where that would change. the very thought feels like an attack against nature and the balance of the world.

shuhua looks determined though and miyeon only nods, sliding her hand underneath the covers to hold shuhua’s. there’s not much else to say.

eventually the movie finishes and when they wake up the next day, shuhua seems a bit calmer as she gets back to being push and pull with miyeon who is grateful at the positive change. even if she knows it won’t last, not until soojin and shuhua clear the air or shuhua makes a move on her decision.

minnie decides to give soojin some time to work things out for herself, but the more things go on the more it seems like she has decided to just completely ignore everything and cause problems.

the longer it goes on, the more angry minnie grows. comments to soojin become snappier and every time they’re in the same room she glares at her, trying to get it through telepathically that she needs to talk to shuhua. the only reason why she doesn’t say anything is because it’s not her problem to bring up.

when she catches miyeon walking out of shuhua’s room the next day with a worried expression that she tries to hide when she sees minnie (it doesn’t work - minnie knows her too well) she knows that it’s time to intervene.

later that very night, minnie doesn’t waste any more time and almost breaks down soojin’s door with how powerfully she opens it. soojin seems to have been chilling and minnie watches her jump into the air out of fright as the door is forced open.

“ok enough is enough, i gave you almost a week to sort this out, but you’ve done nothing at all except for mope. we’re going to talk through this entire thing and then you’re going to go to shuhua and apologise sincerely from the bottom of your heart, because i can’t stand this.’”

“uhm…” is the only thing soojin says and minnie rolls her eyes before shutting the door and locking it behind her. soojin gulps and minnie can tell that she understands she’s not getting out of this conversation easily. everyone knows that minnie doesn’t get angry often, but when she does - it’s not the most pleasant.

minnie sits down in front of soojin and looks at her with a raised brow, waiting.

“so? speak.”

soojin opens her mouth and then closes it. there’s a hesitance towards the conversation that is unlike soojin and it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that this is challenging for her.

minnie sighs and her glare softens. she’s mad, yes, but she’s more so upset that two of her closest friends are hurting.

“look, i promise that i won’t judge you, but this seriously can’t go on any longer and we both know that.”

soojin’s emotions are visible more so than usual so when her face goes pale and her entire body shudders, minnie rushes to ground her and takes her hands, squeezing them. she holds them for a while until soojin has calmed down somewhat.

slowly, enunciating each word carefully, minnie brings the conversation back up.

“i think i know what this is about, but i also know that it will be much easier on you if you’re the one that says it.”

“i’minlovewithshuhua.”

“i’minlovewithshuhua.” something major shifts when soojin says that and it doesn’t take as long anymore for her to say it once again, but this time when she speaks up there’s a tiny bit more force behind the statement.

“i’m in love with shuhua.” she states it confidently and minnie purses her lips, both happiness and sadness playing out on her face. she’s quickly pulled into a full on hug that any other time soojin would have protested, but instead she leans into, “i think i have been for years.”

it’s not the judgement that she had feared, soojin realises, because she knew that the members will support her, but it’s the fact that saying it out loud meant that it’ll actually be real, something tangible that she won’t be able to take back and that filled her with so much unadulterated fear that her whole body shuddered.

when minnie took her hand and said that she knew, every inch of her knotted up at the thought of saying it. it had felt like she was standing at the edge of a tall building, knowing full well that there was foam down there that would catch her and people that would cheer her on, but the process itself terrified her.

“thank you for telling me.” minnie’s voice is filled with pride as she beams at soojin, who can’t help but laugh out loud in relief. it’s more freeing than she expected as the world doesn’t end and instead becomes less sharp. she had been with-holding it for so long that finally saying it feels like a step in the right direction.

they end up talking long into the morning before they finally separate, the clock blinking red numbers that read 9:26AM at her. they’re both exhausted, but the weight on soojin’s shoulders is almost completely gone - the only thing capable of removing it being shuhua.

(“i’m glad you figured it out and i hope you understand that this means you have to go and apologise to shuhua.”

“i know and i will, i promise. i really didn’t mean for it to get this far.”)

minnie doesn’t forget to update miyeon, who has been waiting patiently, on the situation and goes to her room right after she wakes up.

“so!”

miyeon scares at her sudden entrance and tuts, annoyed, “do you ever knock?”

“nope.”

“ugh you’re so annoying.”

“well i talked to soojin last night, or today, well, basically all throughout the entire night, but what i’m trying to say is i have the information you oh so desperately want and i can easily take it away.”

miyeon’s eyes widen and she quickly grabs for minnie, dragging her onto the bed. “what i meant was i love you.”

“right.” minnie drawls, but she can’t stop the grin from growing on her face, “i was going to tell you either way, but thanks!”

“i take it back.”

“too late.” minnie teases and then turns serious, “the basic gist of it is - soojin’s in love with shuhua and is honestly extremely bad at dealing with it.”

miyeon’s jaw drops and she half-laughs in surprise, “wait are you for real? i mean… i might have been entertaining that idea in secret, but i also thought it would be too good to be true.”

minnie nods, “yep i’m serious. we had a good talk and you’ll be glad to know she’s going to try fixing things. i know how worried you were.”

“i have something for you as well.” miyeon says, blushing a little bit at being so openly read and continues as minnie quirks an eyebrow, “shuhua is also in love with soojin, apparently she’s know for years, but get this - she’s decided to try and get over her.”

“holy fuck, i mean i had my suspicions with her too, but to have it confirmed...”

“so they’re both in love with each other and yet don’t know it, but now shuhua is gonna end it while soojin is going to be going through the same things shuhua has been experiencing this entire time.” getting her thoughts together, miyeon summarises it all and minnie who is listening intently shakes her head as they groan in unison, they were literally living with two idiots.

“they’re so stupid, but i really hope they figure this out before shuhua moves on.” minnie states, head resting comfortably in miyeon’s lap who plays with her hair absentmindedly, running her fingers through the pink strands.

“i’m both glad and annoyed you didn’t tell her your suspicions. on one hand, that would probably end this mess so much easier and quicker, but on the other it could potentially scare soojin off completely.”

minnie hums, in agreement “i want soojin to come to terms with it herself and confess to shuhua. she’s halfway there and telling me really helped i think, but it’s not enough just yet.” she pauses and considers, “besides i don’t think shuhua will get over her so quickly.”

“oh look at you, miss love expert.” miyeon teases, pulling on minnie’s cheek who quickly aims to bite her fingers, but fails.

“hush. i’ll have you know i’m quite experienced.”

“oh are you now?”

minnie quirks a brow at her and pulls miyeon closer by the neck slowly, “you want me to show you?”

the air quickly turns charged as minnie stares at miyeon and her lips, alternating between the two. miyeon does the same and they’re milimetres away when miyeon’s phone vibrates and they’re pulled out of the spell, both breathing deeply.

“sorry i have to... check.” miyeon mumbles, clearing her throat and minnie sits up, annoyed and yet grateful at the interruption. she considers staying, but miyeon is looking at her phone intensely, avoiding what just happened and so minnie leaves with a muttered “see you later.” missing how miyeon curses to herself.

seems like soojin and shuhua aren’t the only ones who need to have a talk, minnie thinks bitterly.

in another part of the house, soojin is impatiently waiting for shuhua to wake up and walk out of her room to eat. she had prepared a whole meal, too wired up to actually get any sleep and was now sitting, her leg jittery as she kept trying to find things to distract her.

finally, after what felt like hours, shuhua walks out yawning with messy hair and soojin forgets how to breathe for a second. it had been too long since she had seen such a sight and her stomach churned at the fact that she had been missing it.

“oh. you’re here.” shuhua states coldly upon seeing her and turns on her heel to walk back into her room, but soojin manages to grab her hand this time, reacting much quicker than last time and not willing for her to escape before she said what she had to say.

“i’m sorry.” the words fall from her lips, “i’m so sorry. what i did was wrong, avoiding you like that? yes, i admit, i was avoiding you and i should have never done it.”

shuhua is still, but she hasn’t left and soojin considers that as a sign to continue, speeding up, “hurting you was never my intention and if i could take it all back i would, but-”

“so why did you?” shuhua cuts her off and turns to look at her, expression closed off and if soojin didn’t know her so well, she would have missed the slight movement of her eyes that she did whenever she was nervous.

“i can’t tell you that.” soojin says, unwilling to lay herself bare. there’s a precipice in which soojin is standing on and there’s two options: she can either cross it or stay in that place forever.

“then i can’t forgive you.” shuhua scoffs and wrenches her hands free, stepping away quickly. it feels like everything’s going wrong right from the start and it’s obvious that shuhua does not want to hear anything, what with the way her jaw is tense. panic overwhelms her. she knows that if she doesn’t say a word then their friendship will be impacted in a way that they might never recover from.

it doesn’t take long, “i like girls.” soojin blurts out, unable to stop herself from at least something, even if it’s not the full truth (she knows she likes girls, but this time it’s shuhua and it’s different) and shuhua freezes again, but this time while facing her, “i freaked out, because i like girls and i didn’t know how to deal with it so i ended up shutting one of my closest friends, you, out.”

a myriad of expressions flit on shuhua’s face, cycling through them and soojin catches only several that are the most visible - shock, exasperation, anger and frustration, but eventually the simmering annoyance in her dissipates and she laughs in disbelief.

“jin-ah you idiot, that doesn’t change anything. you know i would never judge you, especially not for that.”

soojin glances away, unable to look at shuhua, not when she’s staring at her with honey dripping from her eyes and she knows that she doesn’t deserve it, but shuhua doesn’t care for what soojin is thinking and wraps her in her arms for the first time in over a month.

that, combined with the nickname, leaves soojin’s knees weak and she buckles to the ground, only stopping because shuhua catches her, “i’m so sorry.” she repeats over and over, until her throat hurts and only stops when shuhua’s stomach grumbles.

“i’ll forgive you if you let me eat.” shuhua says into her ear and soojin snorts at how absurd she makes the situation with just a single statement.

“deal.”

“oh good cause i’m pretty sure my stomach was about to start gobbling me up from the inside and i do not want that happening, especially when you made a literal feast.” shuhua giggles, “trying to butter me up, huh?”

“what?! no!” soojin panics, rushing up to shuhua who looks at her surprised.

“hey i was just kidding.” she soothes and soojin breathes in relief, her entire body sagging. weeks of not speaking to each other and already she had forgotten how shuhua liked to joke around. or maybe she was just more on edge and was waiting on the other shoe to drop, still surprised that shuhua forgave her.

“so are you good now?” shuhua asks softly, as if trying not to break soojin and she wants so badly to fight herself for making someone so sweet, so selfless, hurt. instead she watches shuhua as she eats her food with gusto, almost choking which makes soojin giggle,

(“slow down the food won’t run away from you.” soojin states fondly, love for the younger girl almost overwhelming her.

“but it’s so good!”

“you’re such a dork.”)

for the first time in a while, soojin allows herself to unabashedly stare at shuhua, imprinting the image of her still-messy self eating food that soojin had made, storing it in her mind so that she could come back to it and remember that this- this is what she has to protect, no matter what.

“i think i finally am.” she responds under her breath, however as if always clued into soojin’s frequency, shuhua still hears and immediately directs a small smile her way.

this is how things are meant to be, soojin thinks. shuhua and her, existing in one space beside each other.

this is the natural order of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one chapter left and i have some of it written up already, but that one seems specifically really difficult and is being a pain so i have no idea when it will be out.
> 
> please leave kudos & comments!! thoughts are always appreciated and i'm curious to see if people are enjoying it so far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so. don't hate me. i don't have much of an excuse for how long it took me to write this except for the fact that it felt like pulling teeth. i kept rewriting and adding in scenes, then deleting them BUT i think i'm finally done now. (hopefully, for the sake of my own mental health lmao)
> 
> i thought i'd have it uploaded by christmas, which then turned into new years, but i think it's lovely how it turned out to be when we got new music. in fact this was actually finished because of lost, which is my favourite off of the album.
> 
> enough of my rambling! i hope you enjoy the story.

(the group is back together and the awkwardness is gone, but soojin can’t help feeling like something is still missing.

“are you ever going to tell her?” minnie asks one day out of nowhere, “wait too long and someone else might come into the picture.” and soojin repeats those words in her mind over and over, till they have imprinted in her mind and soojin is left with nothing to show for it except a feeling of loss. an ache in her chest that she can’t shake, because minnie, as always, isn’t wrong.)

soojin tries, she really does, but then her schedule is suddenly packed again and even if she wants to say something; there’s no time as she leaves early in the morning and comes back extremely late and exhausted. even the other members don’t joke around or nitpick and instead shoot her concerned glances as they catch her nodding off more so than usual or making mistakes that she never used to do.

she’s not making excuses and yet somehow, that’s exactly what it feels like. would it really be so bad if she never told shuhua? (she knows the answer to that, even without thinking about it)

they end up settling back into a rhythm. it’s comfortable and soojin feels a little lighter for it - not having to stay away from shuhua puts her back in a more positive mood and she can see that shuhua feels the same way.

the members are also completely overjoyed and find out the very same day that everything’s back to normal.

(they’re walking out of the dorms and shuhua is telling a joke that is honestly not all that funny, but soojin is guffawing like it’s the best thing in the world (and when it puts a giant smile on shuhua’s face, then yeah it definitely is) when the members see them. yuqi even drops the bag that she’s holding theatrically and everyone else breathes a sigh of relief at the two getting along.

“thank god that’s over.” minnie half-jokes, but also looks quite serious, “it honestly felt like the world was ending when you guys weren’t getting along.”

miyeon nods and smiles at them warmly, “hopefully it won’t happen again any time soon?”

soojin chances a glance at shuhua who is looking at her with a face that says she’s trying not to appear curious, before soojin shakes her head in the negative, “no, no it won’t.”

“good.” soyeon states simply and it’s as cool as always, but when she’s passing by she squeezes soojin’s hand and she feels the last drop of worry finally disappear.)

it’s not entirely the same though and soojin can’t blame shuhua for acting differently. she’s both clingier and yet more distant at the same time, which soojin didn’t even know was possible, but it seems like the girl has a penchant for making the impossible happen.

soojin struggles too, because now she has to pretend that everything is fine and she’s not going crazy everytime shuhua brushes by her (and if she thought that her touches burned before she started avoiding shuhua, now they stay on her skin like a tattoo that she can’t remove). there’s no excuse to use anymore and she has to remember to learn how to breathe again when they’re together, unable to run away like she did before.

soojin doesn’t know whether to be grateful or not for the way her free time suddenly disappears again as her schedule gets packed with things to do. on one hand, it’s a valid excuse to not be around shuhua as much again, but on the other - she’s now free to do so and sometimes all soojin wants to do is cling to the other and never let go.

a week later they have another spat, which honestly soojin should have seen coming sooner, but she was just too happy that they had actually worked things out that she chose to ignore the signs like how shuhua would look at her just to check if she was really there and when she made small snide comments that usually wouldn’t have been directed at her.

they’re randomly watching fact in star, some free-time finally opening up which shuhua jumped at so they could spend time together (even though all soojin wanted to do was rest; she could never really say no to shuhua) when soojin makes an offhand comment about yves acting differently and shuhua snorts, muttering underneath her breath, “you have some experience with that.”

“wait…” it takes her a second, trying to figure out whether she had heard it right, “i knew you weren’t over it!” soojin gasps out, feeling shaken by the sudden comment, especially by the circumstances of how it was brought up as if shuhua had been waiting for the chance.

“of course i’m not over it.” shuhua tersely replies back, slightly gritting her teeth and she’s always been a person who shows her emotions visibly more through her eyes, but this time it’s a lot more evident and that can only mean she’s more upset than soojin thought, “it’s not something i can forget at the snap of a finger.”

“i said i was sorry.”

“you’re my best friend soojin, no, something more than that.” shuhua starts shakily, tugging on her hair in frustration and soojin tries not to react at what she says, but something in her wonders what she means by that, “so do you have any idea how it feels when you, of all people, starts acting like i don’t exist so easily?”

“it wasn’t easy.” soojin mumbles and it’s true, those weeks of not talking to shuhua and avoiding her were more taxing than she could have ever imagined. it felt like someone had ripped off one of her limbs. she’s still not sure how she got through it all in one piece (a small part of her whispers; you didn’t).

“are you sure?” shuhua asks sarcastically and it’s a little jarring seeing this side of her that she’s never really had to witness before, at least not directed at her, “because considering the way things went - that seems like a lie.”

“come on shu.” soojin almost begs and shuhua sighs, scrunching her face in frustration. it must have been on her mind a lot since she genuinely seems worked up about it and soojin can only watch, disappointed in herself all over again.

“it’s just. i get it and all, but it still stings that you didn’t tell me anything. especially when i could have been there for you.“ shuhua points out, “i’ve been through something similar too you know.”

the thought and care behind shuhua’s words almost makes soojin tear up. finding out something new about herself that she had never realised was truly life-changing and while soojin knows she likes both guys and girls - loving shuhua is a different matter that soojin can’t seem to figure out because every day it’s something new. it’s like she will take a simple glance at shuhua and the light will hit her in such a way that she will be falling head over heels all over again and there’s no way of putting a stop to that (hell, she doesn’t even know if she wants to).

instead, she turns to look at shuhua who has a slightly frustrated expression.

“why didn’t you tell me that you were still upset over it?” soojin asks quietly and shuhua only shrugs, picking at her nails.

“i don’t know, i guess i thought that i’d be over it, but…” she laughs a little to herself, self-deprecation leaking into her voice, “obviously i’m not.”

the distance between them feels wider than usual even though they’re physically not all that far from each other and soojin grabs shuhua’s arm, clinging to it as a lifeline through the conversation - the touch grounding.

“i mean, i’m not mad now, i think. after blowing up at you it actually doesn’t feel that bad, but it’s just… i tell you everything and you used to do the same, so when that changed.” shuhua sighs, admitting quietly, a twinge of hopelessness to her words, “i don’t even know how we work anymore.”

soojin understands what she means. their dynamics had shifted because of her actions and she doesn’t see them coming back to normal in the future, at least not until for a good while. she knows that shuhua needs something more though, something more concrete. shuhua had always been a person that believed more in actions than words, but in this moment words are all soojin has.

“yeah.” soojin agrees and then looks at her seriously, twisting so that she’s right in front of shuhua who blinks a little at the movement. she tries her hardest to be sincere, laying out each word with heartful conviction that for now she hopes will be enough, “hurting you was something that i will forever regret. so, yeh shuhua. i promise you that from now on i will be the very bestest friend that you deserve. no, i’ll be even better. always.”

calling shuhua her best friend (even though it’s true; it doesn’t change the fact that she wants something more) makes soojin feel like she’s given up, but she’s not willing to lose their friendship again over anything, so if that’s all that she can be to shuhua then at least she’ll make sure to be someone special extremely diligently.

shuhua cracks a smile at the dramatics, exhaling in relief when soojin holds her hand out in a pinky promise, which shuhua quickly returns with determination and then gives her a big hug that soojin doesn’t avoid, instead melting into it and breathing in the comfort.

the slightly tense air that hadn’t fully evaporated before finally leaves, so as shuhua squeezes her and they stay in that position for what seems like hours, arms cramping - soojin knows that they’ve finally stepped onto the path of healing.

her schedule seems to have no end, but eventually she manages to come home earlier than usual when some of the members are still up. soojin is eager to spend a bit of time with everyone and through her haste to come back - catches the tail-end of a conversation.

"-cute though, i'm glad you're moving on."

she hears yuqi say that and freezes, something inside of her screaming that this is important, that she needs to hear this. so even if soojin is tired and all she wants to do is lay in bed, she stays rooted in place - listening, grateful that she had closed the door with little to no noise.

"yeah me too. we're meeting up in a couple days again."

that's unmistakably shuhua's voice, she'd know it anywhere and her heart drops to her stomach at those words. shuhua has been on a date. and she's moving on from somebody. her mind races to try and figure out who (as she tries to ignore a whisper that says it's her that shuhua is moving on from. just because she professes her love to soojin every day doesn’t mean anything).

"ohoho, i can't believe you're going to get a girlfriend, good for you good for you." yuqi laughs and soojin hears someone presumably get wacked from the squeals that come after.

"shut up she's not my girlfrie-"

soojin finally chooses that moment to make some noise and step out of the shadows, making a show of taking off her coat. she didn’t mean to give herself away, but at that point hearing any more was going to break her heart and considering how much it already hurt - she wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

both yuqi and shuhua immediately sit up at her entrance and greet her, yuqi rather nervously. if she hadn’t heard anything and known what was going on, she would have still understood that something was weird. yuqi was never the best at hiding things.

"you're back." shuhua says and soojin nods slowly, taking in the sudden change.

"what are you guys talking about?"

"nothing!" yuqi blurts out, unconvincingly and shuhua shoots her a glare as a warning, which soojin pretends not to notice. it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

they obviously don't want her knowing and soojin's shoulders slump at that, mood turning for the worse.

"oh. okay." she mutters and quickly walks into her room, trying to shake off the urge to cry or at the very least hit something. she’s not jealous, she has no right to be and yet the only thing she can think of is shuhua going on dates with someone other than her.

yuqi and shuhua look at each other, panicked expressions mirroring. that was unexpected and they’re both a little frazzled at the easy escape.

“well. that could have gone worse!” yuqi tries and shuhua groans, flopping her head onto the sofa, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

“yeah, but it also could have gone a lot better.” shuhua points out, keeping her voice low and yuqi nods, looking apologetic, but shuhua just waves it off, “don’t worry, we didn’t know she’d be back early.”

“do you think she heard anything?”

shuhua sits up immediately at that, eyes wide and shakes her head, almost paling at the thought, “god i hope not, i really don’t want her to know.”

yuqi narrows her eyes, staring at shuhua who doesn’t break eye contact, unwilling to back down, “are you sure?”

“yes i’m sure. otherwise i wouldn’t be doing this in secret now would i?”

“i don’t know. usually when one says they’re over it, they don’t hide the truth. least of all when it’s you and soojin.”

“whatever! look, the point is - no telling her.” shuhua throws a pillow at yuqi for emphasis, but she dodges it successfully and quickly puts her hands up in peace, an innocent expression on her face.

“i got it, i got it. my mouth is zipped.” yuqi mimes as if she’s really zipping her mouth and shuhua rolls her eyes before turning the volume back up on the tv.

“you’re unbearable.”

“yeah, but you love me.”

engaged in their watching, they completely miss soojin who had changed outfits and quietly tiptoed out of the dorms, eager to get away from her thoughts and instead dance her problems away.

(later soyeon corners her, pinning her with a stare that should be intimidating, but is instead filled with care as she asks her what’s going on. soojin just shakes her head, telling her that everything is fine and that management has just gotten better at promoting them. it’s not the truth and they both know it, but neither is willing to say it out loud and instead soyeon just clenches her fists in anger.

“you can tell me anything you know? i’m your leader, but i’m your friend first and foremost.”

“i know and i’m telling you there’s nothing going on.” she repeats, as if her heart isn’t breaking into pieces every single day the longer that this goes on, because even if they’re no longer arguing - the distance is still there, unable to be bridged and this time soojin has no excuse for it.

not to even get into the fact that shuhua likes somebody else- the thought making her start to spiral and she can’t do this right now, not in front of soyeon.

the same soyeon who only stares at her, before sighing and pulling her into a quick hug that soojin melts into, letting the comfort wash over her at least for a little bit. she doesn’t know if she deserves this love, but soyeon is there and for a moment she allows herself to feel it. they’re not the type to comfort one another this way and although it’s weird - it helps.

once soyeon is gone, soojin crumples to the floor unable to hold herself up anymore. she feels so pathetic at letting this affect her so extremely, but the most memorable parts of her life since she first met shuhua have begun and ended with her and now it just feels like everything is slowly unravelling at the seams.

after a minute or so of slow breathing to calm herself down, soojin stands up and dusts herself down before walking off, back straight and tall - mask put into place.

lately, it feels like soojin has gotten better at lying, both to everyone and to herself.)

after another week from when she overheard the conversation, her crazy personal schedules finally slow down and she is free to relax. they had been a good distraction overall, but now she has nothing to make her stop thinking about how infuriating it is that minnie was right.

because every time she comes home, she pays closer attention to shuhua and notices how she’s always on her phone talking to somebody and giggling. or when she isn’t home how she stays out till late and comes home with a large grin and blushing cheeks. (she doesn’t catch shuhua all the time, but she made minnie send her updates about what was happening, who did it reluctantly with a sigh each time)

while it hurt that there was someone else making shuhua as happy as she usually did, at the same time soojin was glad that even if it wasn’t her - shuhua is still loved and adored by another, because if there was anything that shuhua deserved, it was being looked at as someone who put the stars in the sky.

that doesn’t mean she isn’t jealous, no in fact the jealousy is at an all-time high and after a while it gets to be too much when she once again starts overthinking herself into a tangled knot. needing someone who’s detached from the scenario and could tell her what to do, soojin ends up calling moonbyul.

“so to get this straight, you're in love with her, but she’s going out with somebody else?”

“well i don’t think she’s going out out, but yes pretty much.”

“out out,” moonbyul snorts, “ok well i think you should tell her.”

“what! no i can’t do that.” soojin denies the suggestion immediately and hears a sigh from the other end of the phone.

“why not?”

“because i can’t” soojin whines, “what if it ends badly and she hates me or something.”

moonbyul laughs and even soojin knows that she’s said something dumb, “even in a million years i can’t see that happening. it’s shuhua for gods sake, she’s like. obsessed with you.”

“she was obsessed with me. besides, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.” soojin points out, unsure of why she’s even arguing the point.

“okay i’m not even going to entertain you with that thought cause we both know you’re just making excuses.”

soojin groans, “this is useless.”

“hey! didn’t you call me to help, i thought you wanted my opinion?”

“yes, but i didn’t ask for you to read me like that.”

“not my fault you’re obvious.” moonbyul pokes fun at soojin who considers whether she should just end the phone call right then and there, “look, speaking from experience it’s going to eat you up inside if you don’t tell her. besides, don’t you think shuhua deserves the truth?”

“i guess…” soojin agrees half-heartedly and can feel the grin that moonbyul wears.

“then tell her! you can do this, fighting!” with that moonbyul ends the call and soojin looks down at her phone in annoyance at the quick escape. shooting her a quick text about being an ass and getting a :D in response, soojin sighs. she knows that moonbyul is right, especially about the part of owing shuhua the truth. that doesn’t make her any less terrified of it though.

she’s in the middle of a shoot when she decides to give shuhua a call. (if she misses her; she doesn't say it out loud)

“jin-ah!” shuhua picks up, breathless and soojin instantly relaxes, the comforting presence not abated even by the sound being through a phone.

“what are you doing?”

“mhm, nothing. aren’t you working?” shuhua is quick to change the subject and soojin furrows her brows a little at that, but shrugs.

“i am, i just wanted to call you and ask what you would like for dinner tonight.”

“oh don’t worry about that jin-ah. i’m going to be out today and i’ll eat, so get whatever you want okay?” shuhua hurriedly says and there’s some laughter in the background before shuhua makes a shushing sound and it disappears, “look, i have to go now, but i hope the rest of your schedule goes well.”

the phone call ends and soojin stares at her suddenly silent phone in confusion. the rest of the day seems sluggish, especially so when she starts connecting dots and realises that shuhua is probably with the same girl that she had been talking to yuqi about.

“you’re more distracted than usual.” miyeon states, suddenly appearing next to her in the living room and soojin jumps a little.

“how the hell did you get here so quietly.” she curses and glares a little, but miyeon only laughs, enjoying finally getting one over her.

“practice.” miyeon wiggles her brows, before she quickly turns serious again, “seriously, what’s up?”

a little uncomfortable at being put on the spot, soojin tries not to squirm and instead stares at her blankly, as if she has no idea what miyeon is talking about even though it couldn’t be more further from the truth.

a part of her wants to hide it and run away, far far from this conversation, but another part of her knows that one way or another - this is something she’ll have to deal with and as much as miyeon is not the person she’d go to for help, she is the one offering it right now.

she looks around, checking that no one else is home but them (not an unusual sight since soyeon and minnie are often in the studio, whilst miyeon is out and about. shuhua is the one who stays home more with soojin, but lately everything has shifted and the change is unsurprising)

“i have a feeling you know since you and minnie talk.” soojin starts, sitting down on the couch with miyeon following after, a slightly sheepish expression on her face, “but i recently realised that i have… more than friendly feelings for shuhua.”

it feels different telling miyeon this than moonbyul, because she doesn’t have to explain their relationship since miyeon has seen it grow all those years they’ve been together, but at the same time there’s more pressure. (though she knows miyeon is the last person who’d judge her)

miyeon nods and gestures at her to continue, confirming soojin’s suspicions that minnie had definitely told her. 

“she’s moving on.” soojin states and her entire body slumps, as if tired from holding it all up.

miyeon immediately tuts and stands up, putting the kettle on and waiting a bit before coming back with tea. her mind buzzes, calculating what she can and can’t tell, whilst soojin sits silently on the couch. it’s obvious she’s beating herself up about things and miyeon sighs on the inside. here she was, patching up someone’s relationship up when she couldn’t even do the same with her own.

“are you sure?” miyeon asks hesitantly, handing soojin the tea and trying to not let on how shuhua’s dates haven’t been all that romantic and more friendly in nature, although that wasn’t the goal at first. yuqi talked and it was easy to connect the dots that shuhua hadn’t been particularly successful in getting over soojin, although more time changing that was a possibility.

soojin looks up forlorn, “what do you mean?”

she’s a bit tired of the secrecy, miyeon has to admit and with a small idea growing in the corners of her mind she shrugs with a sly smirk, “last i heard that they were more friends than anything.”

at that soojin sits up quickly, almost spilling her tea in the process and blinks at miyeon. just hearing those words, at the fact that there’s hope still, seems to have unearthed some leftover determination, “you’re completely sure of this?”

miyeon looks at her, lips pulled into a slight frown, “would i lie to you?”

soojin thinks for a second, “well…” before giggling at the offended gasp that escapes miyeon, “okay. okay. so i can still do this, i can say something.”

“the only things left are when and how.” miyeon says and then raises her eyebrows conspirately. sorry minnie, it was her turn to meddle, “though i think i can help out.”

they spend the rest of the evening talking in hushed whispers and muted laughter, spinning a plan to get the girl, or plan: kiss the girl as miyeon had said which only made soojin push her, blushing whilst the other cackled.

she has gotten this far so no way was soojin giving up on shuhua. not when there was a chance to turn things around.

soojin is feeling restless and is loitering in the kitchen when shuhua gets home, a little late and yet still as beautiful as ever. she gets a smile sent her way as shuhua takes off her coat and then comes over to join her curiously.

"i haven't seen you around lately." soojin states out into the night air, taking a sip of water to busy herself as she waits for the response.

it comes quickly.

"yeah i've been busy." shuhua nods, moving from one foot to another, "so have you." she points out.

soojin hums in acknowledgement and looks across the counter top at shuhua. it feels odd that a place she has always felt comfortable in has become something tense. it's such a clear difference from the last time they were in the kitchen together that soojin feels like she's getting whiplash just standing here.

shuhua is staring at her, observing. there’s something in her gaze that soojin can't read exactly and she feels bare underneath it. it's too much and she clears her throat, mind racing with a topic before she notices the little gift bag shuhua seems to be holding.

"get yourself something?" she nods at it, genuinely curious.

shuhua startles as if having even forgotten she was holding it and moves to take it from view before stopping, as if reconsidering.

"it was… a gift."

"ah i see, that's nice then." soojin breathes in, trying to ignore where it had come from, even though she knew that there was nothing going on (probably) and then- "you're happy. right?"

she doesn't know why she asks or what she wants to hear really, at war with herself.

shuhua's eyebrows furrow at the sudden question but she nods, a smile growing on her lips. "of course. always."

soojin observes her for a few more seconds before her lips quirk up in a smile, “good.” and she walks off, taking the glass of water with her. “goodnight shuhua.”

the plan made with miyeon rings in her head, but this isn’t the moment to start implementing it. soojin’s quick exit means she misses the way shuhua’s form slumps and how she rubs at her head in frustration.

it’s warm and beautiful out when soojin wakes up and as she breathes in - she knows that today is the day, feels it in her bones. although that might just be the knowledge that shuhua is free today, nothing to do on her schedule.

the rest of the girls are peppered throughout the day, leaving and coming back every few hours save for soyeon and minnie who are holed up in the studio again, producing and composing - creating their usual masterpieces that she can’t wait to listen to.

miyeon gives her a thumbs up just before she leaves and soojin smiles at her, a little sick with nerves, but soon steels them. this isn’t the time.

she takes it slowly, brushing past shuhua more so than usual when she catches her, touches lingering longer which makes shuhua look a bit put-out by, but otherwise has no reaction. soojin groans at the little results. maybe trying to build up some form of tension was a bad idea, no matter how miyeon managed to spin it in a way that seemed revolutionary (and really, what did she expect from an almost delirious conversation).

at one point shuhua silently disappears into her room, as if unable to deal with soojin, but she’s not on the verge of giving up and instead follows her in. the younger girl is playing something on the console and barely spares her a glance as she walks in, trying to steadfastly ignore her.

two can play that game, soojin thinks and sits down behind shuhua, wrapping her hands around the waist slowly.

she feels the muscles under her hands tense and smirks a little at the gasp of air that escapes from shuhua, “what, what are you doing?” shuhua stutters a little, missing the shot that she was aiming at on the screen.

“i’m bored.” she replies and nuzzles her head a little in shuhua’s neck, breathing some hot air onto it which has shuhua almost dropping the controller.

the gulp is prominent, even as shuhua pretends to be calm, “well i’m playing a game and you’re distracting me.” she waves at the screen and turns to look at soojin, but freezes at how close they get because of it.

they’re face to face, millimeters away from kissing and soojin feels the air getting warm around them. on the inside she’s screaming, but on the outside she smirks and raises an eyebrow, leaning in just a little bit closer, “but i’m not doing anything.”

shuhua blinks, face completely blank save for the panic in her eyes and narrows them curiously, “right…” before jumping at the sudden noise from her headphones as her teammates yell at her, trying to find out where she is.

suddenly brought back to earth, she throws a small glare at soojin who looks at her innocently and turns on her mic, turning around to play, “sorry guys, i got distracted by something.”

soojin stifles a giggle and presses herself close to shuhua, popping her head onto the girl’s shoulder. it’s warm and it’s nice, so much so that she starts blinking drowsily and her breaths get slower. and it's not that soojin is tired, far from it, but the repetitive motions of shuhua jiggling the controllers, most probably killing someone and talking every so often with her teammates has her falling asleep.

just before she goes out completely, she presses a small kiss to the side of shuhua’s neck and feels how she tenses again, having gotten used to her presence, but this time shuhua only sighs and turns around to kiss her forehead, having noticed how sleepy soojin was.

‘maybe the plan was a good idea’ is her last thought as she finally falls asleep, forehead tingling.

later she wakes up with shuhua nowhere in sight, except for a little note beside her that says, “you looked very cute so i didn’t want to wake you. i’m going out, don’t wait up.”

soojin only huffs, covering her head with an arm. apparently she hadn’t tried hard enough since shuhua managed to escape. curse her and her comfortable presence that made soojin sleepy.

she chances a look at the time and stares at it for a few minutes, before sitting up. plan: kiss the girl was still in motion and though it didn’t necessarily mean soojin had to do everything today - she wanted to. she was tired of waiting, tired of thinking and she had a feeling that if she didn’t do something now, then she will manage to find an excuse again and not do it at all.

so soojin waits, busying herself with some things in the meantime as the shadows grow longer and her patience pays off. she’s coincidentally in the kitchen already, eating some food, so when the door opens she hears it immediately. 

as much as she had hyped herself up (or tried to at least), her palms still start to sweat and the previously warm, yellow lighting that had given her comfort seems to turn red, although that may just be her nerves. shuhua still hasn’t noticed her, so into chatting with someone on the phone and soojin takes the time to observe her.

the wind had been raging outside, the previous calm of the morning gone in the evening, making soojin feel like it was some sort of sign, but she ignores it. even with the weather, shuhua looks like she’s stepped out of a photoshoot - her face is flushed and her eyes are particularly bright as she talks. finally she turns and catches soojin staring at her with a smile playing on her lips, head leaning on her palm.

they stare at each other for a few seconds that might as well be eternity for soojin, until shuhua breaks it, “i’ll call you back later ok?” and ends the phone call, pocketing her phone. she doesn’t take her eyes off of soojin and continues to hold the stare. maybe she feels something is different this time.

“did you have a nice time on your date?” soojin breaks the silence by asking, genuinely curious and shuhua nods, caught a bit off guard at the sudden question, before her eyes widen and she stutters.

“what, no i wasn't on a date, why would you even think that?”

soojin rolls her eyes, “relax, i overheard your conversation with yuqi that one night.” and then huffs slightly in laughter, “not like the others are very subtle about things either.”

shuhua hesitates, standing in the space between the kitchen and the living room and a part of soojin notes the separation that’s been reflected lately even in something as simple as that, although she hopes that will change today.

“so… you’ve known this entire time?”

“pretty much yeah.”

“why didn’t you say anything?” it’s shuhua who asks this time, mirroring soojin’s question from their fight a couple weeks ago.

soojin shrugs, picking at a corner of the table, “i could tell you didn’t want me to know and even though i’m a little confused by that, i went along with it anyway.”

“are you… upset?” shuhua is cautious and if soojin didn’t know any better, she’d think that she was digging for a reaction, but soojin keeps up an unreadable mask and shakes her head. shuhua breaths out, nodding a few times, “okay cool. i’m glad.” 

soojin closes her eyes and then-

“i’m lying.” she admits, “i am upset.”

“what?” shuhua blinks in surprise, caught off guard at the sudden change.

“not about the fact that you’re having fun and being happy. i’m upset because i’m not the one doing those things that make you laugh.”

“soojin… what are you saying?” shuhua asks nervously and soojin stands up, walking closer to the younger girl who stands there, still in her coat. there’s something so beautiful about shuhua when she’s wind-swept and soojin touches her cold cheek as she steps closer, before slowly tucking shuhua’s hair behind her ear.

shuhua’s eyes dart nervously back and forth, unsure of where to look or what to do and soojin exhales, looking right into shuhua’s eyes. this is it. there’s no going back from this.

“i love you.” soojin gulps and then corrects herself, “no i mean, i’m in love with you.”

nervous, bubbly laughter escapes from shuhua, as she takes a step back, seemingly incapable of withstanding the closeness, “jin-ah it’s not good to joke about things like that you know.”

“i’m not joking.” soojin says softly and puts her hand down from where it’s left mid-air, clenching it into a fist, “when i told you why i was avoiding you, i didn’t say the full-truth which is the fact that i’m in love with you.”

the statement rings in the air, filling every crevice of the kitchen.

soojin laughs to herself, “god you have no idea how long it took me to actually be able to say this out loud, hell i even pestered moonbyul-unnie of all people for help and made up a plan with miyeon to tease you relentlessly today, although that kind of fell apart since well, i fell asleep.”

even with her rambling, shuhua remains silent and soojin stops, biting her lip, “please… say something.”

that seems to wake her up as shuhua blinks, dazed “i…” and starts walking backwards, “i have to go.”

soojin doesn’t chase after her - it didn’t go so well last time and instead sits back down and slowly cradles her face in her hands.

she’s said her piece and the relief is there, yes, but going by shuhua’s reaction, soojin understands that she has just changed their friendship forever and she’s unsure of if it’s ever going to be back to normal. 

it’s not mutual and it hurts. that’s the only thing soojin can think about. she knew that the chance of shuhua liking her back was small, but there was still some hope because of her reactions and now that too was gone. the little fire inside of her that she had been burning with little moments between them as kindling has gone out, the embers cold.

so deep into her thoughts she doesn’t even realise that she’s being called and only when someone shakes her does soojin’s head snap up to see shuhua looking at her with an angry expression.

“you’re back?” soojin asks, unsure of what’s happening. this wasn’t in the script or how things were supposed to play out - this is new. and watches as shuhua puts her hands together in frustration.

“you are the most infuriating person, you know that right?”

“uhm.” soojin just gapes.

“for weeks i have been trying to get over you and i think it was starting to finally work, but no, you had to just fuck it all up and say that you’re in love with me!” shuhua shouts.

“i’m… sorry?” soojin tries and shuhua just looks at her.

“seriously? yeah you better be sorry, because for some reason even after how you’ve made a complete mess of me, i am still head over heels for you.” shuhua fumes, “not to mention how you’ve been completely all over me today which is quite frankly confusing and also you are way too good at it, what’s with that?”

soojin stands, the suddenness of the scene which had enveloped her suddenly starting to gain clarity.

shuhua goes closer to her, jabbing her finger at soojin’s chest in annoyance.

“nevermind that. i can’t believe that i am in love with such an idiot like you. i am also extremely annoyed by how good you look even when confused.”

“can you say that again?”

“god damnit, how much clearer can i make it?” shuhua asks, rolling her eyes, “seo soo jin. i am utterly and unavoidably in love with you.”

“oh.”

the anger seems to rush out of shuhua at that, as she slumps against soojin who instinctually holds her up, hands reaching out before her mind even registers what she’s doing.

“i wanted to leave and get mad, but as soon as i walked out of the door the only thing i could think of was saying it back.” shuhua admits, scoffing into soojin’s chest, “figures that i could never do something like that to you.”

there’s something unreal about the situation and soojin doesn’t even fully understand that it is in fact happening. it’s like she’s watching everything happen from an outside perspective and the world around her is covered by a film.

only when shuhua cups her cheeks does soojin snap out of it and the world rushes into motion, the sound suddenly not muffled and the feeling of shuhua’s touch like a firecracker rushes into her bloodstream.

if this was a movie then some cheesy song would be playing in the background, but this is real life and the only things she can hear are their breaths intertwined as their faces slowly lean in.

“you’re in love with me.” soojin repeats shuhua’s words to herself quietly in awe.

shuhua giggles fondly, “yes i am.” before closing the distance.

there’s no fireworks. nothing erupts in a blaze of glory that spins around them as they kiss. instead it’s like the world settles for the first time - the last puzzle clicking in or a music box that had been jammed starting to play its song.

it feels… right. and as soojin pulls shuhua closer, she can feel the grin grow on both their lips. 

it feels like home.

and it's better than she had ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?! any comments?! did you like it did you hate it, what's your favourite track off of i burn? would you want to see me write the minnie and miyeon side of things?
> 
> either way, whatever you do i hope this fic gave you as many feelings as it gave me when writing. it's my first multichapter fic that i've actually finished so i feel very proud of myself. thank you for being here with me on this journey.
> 
> follow me on twitter if you want to keep up with what i'm doing: ol3monade
> 
> don't forget to stream hwaa!


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